I know I was right, but I wish I wasn’t.
Posted on: August 27, 2012
- In: Life | relationships
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I think, by far, one of the top three worst feelings I have ever had is finding out that I was right about something that involved a friend being hurt.
A few years back, at an old job, I was transferred to a new department. Within that department I inherited a new group of employees who worked under me. One of them happened to be of my nationality and that instantly made them my favorite. True story. It was the first time in my line of work, that I had encountered another person of my ethnic origin and I was immediately pumped up about them working in this office.
It wasn’t long before he came in with the news that his new wife was pregnant with their first child. Now, I had just met this employee and I had actually never met his wife, but the instant kinship that I felt led me to volunteer to throw them their first ever baby shower. We held it at my house. I had gone shopping a week before the appointed day and was very meticulous in what I was buying since I wanted everyone to enjoy themselves as far as snacks were concerned, but I especially wanted his pregnant wife to be able to enjoy them without having her morning (all day) sickness induced by something I had bought.
I knew that all pregnancies were different and having only given birth once I had just my own personal experiences to go off of. So, I wound up buying a lot of chocolatey and salty snacks. I’m still not sure to this day if she liked them or not.
Anyhow, the shower went pretty well. It was a small group, only six people, and we each had a gift for her new baby. I remember when I met her, she was very shy, very quiet, and very reserved. It was really hard to tell if she was enjoying herself or not. I remember she had on the cutest shoes. White ballet flats, with a white ribbon on the toes of each shoe. They were so adorable that not only did I compliment her on them, the next day I went out and bought the exact same shoes in pink.
The next time that I would see her, her husband would be on a business trip and she would be stricken with small pox. Her husband came back from his business trip early to help with the baby while she got better. I don’t remember anything specific about the day that I saw him after he’d been back, but I just felt that something had changed. It was that day that I knew, “They’re not going to make it.”
A little over a year later she gave birth to their second child. It was very exciting to see their little family expanding. Still, every time I saw him or her, that little voice would remind me, “They’re not going to make it.” It wasn’t as if their relationship was a big focus in my life. It was more of a consistent observation.
Have you ever been with a friend, maybe at their house, when a friend of theirs stops by to introduce your friend to their new boyfriend. You say “Hi” politely and then watch as your friend’s girl tells them how happy they are in the relationship and how they think he might be ‘the one’. You smile and watch them converse, and you just get that feeling that tells you “Oh, hunny, I can see it now. You and Prince Charming aren’t going to make it past month one.”
Now, you don’t know the girl. Maybe you’re just reading her body language. Maybe your reading her new boyfriend’s body language. Maybe, it’s just an intuitive feeling, but for whatever reason, your mind has instantaneously come to the conclusion that this stranger’s great relationship with her new beau is a figment of her imagination. Of course, you don’t pipe up and say anything. For one, you don’t know her like that, and two, you really have no factual or concrete evidence to base your conclusion on. But a couple months later, when you’re hanging out at this same friend’s house, your friend brings up nonchalantly how her girlfriend is having a hard time with a break-up. After asking who the girlfriend is you might blurt out to your friend, “Oh, wow, I knew it. I didn’t even know her like that and I just knew it.” You know what I mean?
Well, it was like that for me. Especially when I moved out of state and subsequently caught up with the wife on Facebook. She had started a new blog and from the looks of things she was really into being a stay at home mom and was very excited about how wonderful her family life was and how great her marriage was going. As I got to know her a little more, I learned what an optimistic, and kind person she was, and just how much she devoted herself to her children and her husband. Her blog became so popular amongst the mommy circle that she even became a sort of mommy blogger celebrity.
She would update her status to include her excitement over new products, and she would write about the crazy ups and downs of raising children. I remember she would also write her disapproval towards articles that claimed that marriages were doomed to failure and that there were certain circumstances, that could never truly be avoided.
All the while I would read her article and think, “She’s so happy. Her life seems so perfect. But, there’s just something about it all. There’s just something.” I soon found myself catching up with her and keeping to myself the pity that I felt for this sweet, wonderful person, knowing that it was all going to fall out from under her.
Some people might say “You should have said something to her.” But said what? “I have no basis for what I’m about to tell you, in fact it’s just an inbred thought, but, um, your marriage is over and you should start to create some sort of Plan B for yourself and your kids. Yeah.” Wtf? You can’t just walk up to someone and tell them that their bliss is doomed? Besides, as happy as she was, she wouldn’t have believed me anyways.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed but it’s been a while since I posted. That’s because I jumped off of the grid for a bit. I mean everything, Facebook, email, twitter, my cell phone, the whole shebang. Anyhow, When I started opening things back up fresh from the beginning I realized that a few key people were missing. She was one of them, and to tell the truth I spent more time on the web trying to find her more than anyone else.
Finally, I found her but it was completely accidental. For if I hadn’t clicked the tab that I had clicked and if I hadn’t scrolled through the options provided me, I would never have found her; my sweet selfless, happy, friend now listed under her maiden name. I instantly got a sinking feeling in my gut. I reasoned that perhaps her celebrity had expanded so much so that she decided to go by her maiden as a sort of stage name. Nope. She was now divorced. I actually teared up for a bit.
Never have I disliked my instincts more than when it meant correctly predicting the demise of a friend’s happy life. I suppose I could be grateful that I have an intuitive gut to hang with me during my personal life travels. But when it means forecasting the woes of a friend, I’d rather be a lot more blind and a lot less right.
ninelivesmc2 
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